bleugh!

Monday, August 06, 2007 1:29 AM

im starting school soon,you guys all know that.
ive been thinking,thinking alot.
(oh this reminds me of all those ppl out there always asking me to DONT THINK TOO MUCH so here's to y'all- SHUDDAP.)
im going to be embarking on this whole new journey..
im going to be thrust into a whole new world where i have no friends no one to cover my back no one.
im going to have to start building myself up,start to immerse myself into this world,to get used to it,to become part of it,to influence it,to be influenced,to really build friendships and relationships from bottom up.
its hard,and it took me four years to really begin to understand all that in ahs,and just when you think youve done it you are taken from that world and put into another.
for the past seven months ive been pretty much alone,lonely,by myself,ive become a total homebody.
i was consistently oblivious to my surroundings,to my old friends,i was ignorant,i was this and that.
seven months later,i regretted.
i regretted not having put more of myself into maintaining the friendships i treasured,catching up with friends dear to my heart.
im starting school.and im not going to be bringing all my friends with me.
i cant bring all my friends with me.
i feel bad,thinking of those id leave behind.
i felt guilty.
not today.
i realise.
hell,im not ''abandoning'' you guys behind.
truth was,i was abandoned a long time ago.
like,six seven months ago.
i was there,walking,sometimes strolling,while all you guys just ran right on ahead,at full speed.
perhaps i tried to catch up,perhaps you guys tried to slow down.
but the harm's been done,friend.
you were too fast,and i was too slow.
we're now miles apart.too far to remember who you left behind.too far to remember who you were trying to catch up with.
you changed,i was too stubborn to.
maybe i was just lag,maybe i just refused to face the facts.
not now though.
i guess.
i just gotta let myself let go.
of all the people i used to love,still have feelings for one way or another.
of the people who walked out of my life ages ago.
of the people who are barely in contact with me.

this aint directed at any ONE person.

yup.
when i disappear,i know i wont be noticed.
heck.

in times like this,i cant help but feel grattitude towards my airenbangs.
maybe its cos their legs are short right,THEN CANNOT RUN VERY FAR AWAY FROM ME.HAHA.

alright.
its goodbye to y'all.
have a nice life ahead.

i'll try not to be too sad.
after all,in life,we win some,we lose some.

im not alone.

JAX ......out