bleugh!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 12:30 AM

hmmm.
ppl,i think you all should go read weitheng's blog.
man,he is one lame sarcastic piece of shit!
but he is very right.
and very very very very indirect.
well,i agree with him la,but i prefer the direct ways of saying things you know.
i mean,no matter how indirect i may be,i can never challeng weitheng.
read the blog of someone,and as usual.a whole chain of thoughts flood my mind.
as usual.
i always have alot to say dont i.
ah well.
firstly,i pray you will keep your big fat blotched nose out of this business.
seriously,i know standing up for a friend sounds cool.
but are you justified to do so??
wut makes you think that the account of story YOU got is 100% accurate,no less?
stop trying to be a hero(or heroine) for goodness's sake!
go spend that time doing something more worthwhile,like cleaning toiletbowls or sth
i dont get it.
why are the younger and younger generations getting out of hand?
when we look back,we'd just think,'we were never like that man'
it makes me feel so old.
in a way,yes i am.
not old la,but i can say,more experienced?
i mean,not more experienced.
but definitely more matured.
i dont go crying cos of some stupid reasons like 'i dont like to wash toiletbowls anymore!'
its totally pathetic.
oh i realise weitheng im shooting more than one person here leh!
but i wont say who.
if you've gots a guilty conscience,bull's eye.

ok i shall stop shooting ppl.my aiming is usually very bad.
i cant shoot rubbish into a bin 3 metres away.lol.

passion.

do you guys think passion can fade entirely
for real
for ever?
because i dont think so.
i think ive said this many times already.
but i firmly believe in my own theory.
why call it passion if it can just fade into nothingness?
might as well just use interest.
cos ppl can lose interest in sth.but they cannot lost their passion.
it makes me think that you guys are just coming up with pathetic excuses.
which is not exactly wrong.
it is an excuse.
be it an excuse to escape from the horrible and disgusting band politics,or 'studying'
it IS an excuse,ppl.
admit it.
so if any of you are reading this,i seriously dont want to hear another 'im losing passion for band!' crap,cos you and i both know its not true.
come up with something new la!
it makes me suspicious of you lot,it makes me wary,it makes me sad.
it makes me suspicious of your true intentions.
of why you'd say you can lose passion for band when passion can not be LOST just like THAT.
it makes me wary because i cannot trust you lot when you guys say anything now.
remember how i went to your blgos and tag 'i wont give up on you'?
and how you guys came to thank me and stuff and said it helped?
i dont believe it helped.
cos i dont believe you guys are letting anyone help.
it makes me sad,because if all i say is untrue,and you say your passion can really fade,it probably meant you never had passion for band.
only some mild interest that lasts three minutes.
in this case,three years.
there,im direct enough.
i dont name names okay.i am nice.
(and i dont live in selfdenial)

had a short chat with weitheng yesternight,really wanna thank you for helping me view crying in a new perspective la.
i still think its a weakness,for both of us huh.
but mine is not to that state la.
either way,i hope i didnt cry for nothing.
i totally embarrassed myself in front of the sec fours.
i got humiliated cos of you guys.
im not forcing you guys to feel guilty or wutever shit.
i cried for reasons.
we all cried that day for the same reasons.
you guys didnt see me cry,thankfully.
but i assure you,if you guys did... ...
i will never be able to face ahband again.
because it was horrible.
thankgoodness only elaine was there when i sobbed so helplessly.
will i risk my pride by crying in front of crowds for you guys again?
if it can make you guys come to your freakin senses,yes i will.
again and again,until all my pride is gone,and humility takes over.
until i am so vulnerable i fall prey to ppl.
as i cried there into my hands,i asked this question in my head.
and now i want to ask you guys this question,dont answer me in a hurry,i know you guys have none.
i just want you guys to think about it.
this question made me cry harder than ever.
elaine did you notice the change in frequency of sobs?
thats when i thought of this question.
last syf,syf'05,ahband won(or achieved) gold with honours for our hard work and perseverence and all that.
the question: where is that honour now??
who cares about the frigin metal.
where is the honour we won???
an answer filled my mind :'gone' it said.
as much as i hate that answer,it might just be true.
please,im BEGGING you lot.
please,dont prove me right.
PROVE ME WRONG.

JAX ......out